The Urge to Become

There is a different kind of feeling that comes with growing up. It is difficult to explain, but I think it is the urge to feel satisfied with the person we are becoming. Not just satisfied with what we have but satisfied with ourselves. Sometimes, I wonder whether this feeling is one of the signs that we are actually growing up.

As we grow older, something slowly changes. We begin to realize that our lives are gradually becoming our own responsibility. The decisions we make, the paths we choose, and the people we become are slowly becoming things we have to take responsibility for ourselves.

That realization changes the way we look at our future.

Academic success starts to mean something different. It is no longer just about passing an examination or getting a good grade. We want to know that all the effort we are putting in is leading somewhere. We want to become capable. We want to prove to ourselves that we can actually achieve the things we once only dreamed about. There is an urge to become academically successful, not simply for recognition, but because we want to feel proud of what we have built through our own effort.

There is also a growing awareness of responsibility in other parts of our lives. I am still a university student, still learning, and still depending on my parents in many ways. My course itself demands so much of me that sometimes I can barely imagine fitting anything else into my days. The idea of having a part-time job or earning for myself is something I cannot realistically take on right now. But even though I cannot do those things yet, the desire is already there. 

I want to reach a point where I can provide for my parents, even if it is in small ways at first. I want to be able to give something back to the people who have spent so many years giving to me. There is something different about growing up and realizing that the people you once depended on will one day be the people you want to take care of. I am not there yet, but I will be there one day. 

For now, my responsibility is to learn, to make the most of the opportunities I have been given, and to prepare myself for the life that comes after university. I may not be able to give much today, but I can work towards becoming someone who will be able to give tomorrow. And perhaps that is part of growing up too, realizing that we may not have everything we want yet, but we can still work towards becoming the person who will one day be able to have it.

But my idea of becoming successful does not stop there. I have started to feel an urge to contribute to the society around me as well. I want to volunteer and help people when I have the opportunity. I want to share what I know, give my time when someone needs it, and be generous with whatever I am fortunate enough to have. Maybe it will be knowledge, maybe it will be money someday, and maybe it will simply my time and effort. I don’t want my life to be only about what I can achieve for myself.

I have the urge to become a complete person.

For me, success is slowly becoming much bigger than having a degree or getting a good job. I want to be academically successful, but I also want to be someone people can rely on. I want to have meaningful relationships, contribute to the community around me, and become someone who can give rather than always being the one who receives. I want to become someone who can look beyond personal achievements and understand that there is more to a meaningful life than what can be written on a certificate.

And perhaps the biggest thing I want is to reach a point in my life where I can finally say, “Yes, I am there.”

I want to reach a place where my younger self would look at me and think, “This is where I wanted me to be.” Maybe my life will not turn out exactly the way she imagined. Maybe I will take paths she never expected. But I want her to know that I tried. That I did something with the opportunities I was given. That I kept going even when things became difficult. 

I don't know exactly how long it will take. I don't know how many times I will fail before I get there. I don't even know exactly what “there” looks like yet. But I know that I want to find out.

So yes, there is this urge inside me now. An urge to learn, to achieve, to become independent, to help others, to make my parents proud, and to become someone I can genuinely respect. Maybe that is what growing up really is about. Slowly realizing that the life you want is no longer something you can simply dream about. It is something you have to build, little by little, with the choices you make every day.

I am still at the beginning of that journey. I am still learning. I am still dependent on the people who have carried me this far. I still have a long way to go. But for the first time, I can feel that I truly want to get there.  

I have the urge to become. And I will.